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Hello people. I have always been a shy and reserved guy. As such, it's been hard for me to approach and meet girls. This never really bothered me before since I was focusing on school. Now that I've been working for 2 years, I am finding myself pretty sad and lonely. I've begun taking steps to work on my confidence and approaching people, but it's been going slow and hard. Anyway, that is not really what I'm here for.
I am here because I have fallen in love with a coworker who happens to have a boyfriend. While that may be exaggerated a bit, truthfully, I like her a lot despite not having talked to her very much. I cannot stop thinking about her. I have dreams about her every once in a while. I feel really pitiful...
While I am hugely attracted to her physically, there is something else about her that attracts me to her.. I can't really explain it. There were several times I was able to talk to her, and she is kind of shy like me. 3 weeks ago, I was talking to her and she mentioned something about her bf... which crushed me. I always knew there was that possibility, but it still hurt a lot. I don't want to imagine another dude banging her. It makes me really sick and repulsive. I took a week off work -we're going through some downtime now- to try to find some peace. I tried to think of other girls, but I still can't get her out of my mind. I told myself I would get over her and stop thinking about her.
But when I returned to work today and saw her, the feelings came back. I began "stalking" her on FB, but she doesn't have much info on there. One thing I deduced, is that they are in a long distance relationship. That has given me a glimmer of hope, but I can't figure out a way to make her mine. Which is driving me nuts. Please, someone.. talk some sense into me.
keep at it and don't give up. If you at the very least become friends with her and your timing is right, when she breaks up with her bf it's your chance to shine. You can do it.
Reminds me of myself in my youth.
Many years ago I felt the same way about a girl. By chance an opportunity came for me to move. I had to make a quick decision. What hinged on that decision was whether or not I could have a relationship with her. I gave it serious thought and I realized there was no reason for me to believe tomorrow was going to any different than today. I moved in ten days. Today it is still the single best decision I think I ever made about anything non life threatening in my life. I couldn’t bare the thought of seeing her with anyone else, couldn’t even think about it. So I made sure I didn’t have to.
Move on. She is going to be like missing a sold out concert. You’re on the outside now, but there are going to be more concerts and when you are standing in the middle of the next one you enjoy you aren’t going to be thinking about the one you missed.
Final advice. My generation wasn’t any better than yours. (you normally won’t hear people say that) However we had not reached the depths of this generation, yet. There is no love to wait for or prove anymore. It’s all about fucking. People used to wait to fuck who they love (long before my generation - and definitely non existent in this one) Now people try to make the people they fuck love them. There is no way you and this girl could have ever become close if she loved the other guy. She doesn’t love him but she is so wrapped up in fucking him she will never, never ever see any value in your love for her. Note: I did not say she would never see that you love her. Find a new and better job and a new place to live. Move and don’t even tell her or anyone that might tell her that you are moving. Put 1000 miles or better between you and have a new and better life. Never think about her again.
Best advice you’ll ever receive.
Fuck me. I spent the last hour going through half her twitter messages. I seriously think she is the perfect girl for me. FUCKKKKKKKK
Let me throw in my two cents. I think that you should make a move on her, sooner than later. Otherwise you're gonna be kicking yourself for not taking a chance.
It's better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done. You got nothing to lose. If you get shot down, no big deal...it happens to all of us. No guts, no glory.
If you two do end up getting together, here's my advice. While you're doing her from behind, and you're about to bust, spit on her back, pull out and cum in your hand. When she turns around to smile at you (all girls do), throw your load in her face and shout "SPIDERMAN!"
its the surefire way to a girls heart
torture, I assume you're in your 20s? Your experience is totally normal. Let's be realistic and consider a few obvious things:
1) She mentioned her boyfriend because she *wants* you to know she has a boyfriend. Women aren't idiots, and this is the goto thing to say to hold a man at bay. It's been said a billion times before by other women.
2) Your chances with her are very low, but you're holding on to that hope. You're actually hoping she has a moment of weakness and considers you when things sour with her boyfriend. This is a bit pathetic, but most men have gone this route at some time in their life. The key is simply to understand what kind of odds you're doing here and understand what is most likely going to happen - absolutely nothing.
3) You've already failed with her. What you're doing is trying again and again on someone who's given you enough hints.
4) Because you're thinking so emotionally about her, you can't think logically about your situation. Logically, you're going to fall for another girl later in your life. Probably harder. Possibly better. Most likely, with a higher chance of success than this one.
Notice I didn't say you should stop or you have no chance. Only you can decide what to do and there's no right or wrong. Regret comes out of ignorance, not the choices themselves. So don't be ignorant. If you can accept that you have practically no chance with her and still enjoy chasing her, go ahead. If not, then stop lying to yourself. Save yourself a year and move on.
#252: Thank you. I get your message. It's something I am slowly accepting. I am still not at the point where I want to let go. With no other girl in my life in the near future, I do not see this going away so easily.
A few months have passed, and I've still been thinking about this girl a lot. I do sense that she is in a satisfactory relationship currently, and don't see her getting out of it any time soon. I do not intend to put any major effort in pursuing this girl, but I will not back off from an opportunity to hang out with her. I do feel like our personalities are compatible, except for the part where we both are quiet people generally speaking.
Although I feel lame for always thinking about this girl, I can't help it. I've just always been a person who thinks and over-thinks things. It's a sucky situation to be in, knowing there is very little chance of anything happening. But I'd like to think there's still some hope...
what these two said
my advice, if things get rocky with her and her boyfriend get her drunk and see where it goes, make moves
Hey OP, my two cents:
Wanting what you can't have is just base human nature. The more out of reach it seems, the more irrational your desire for it will become... Until you learn to recognize the cycle and break free of it, that is.
As a guy who (by your own admittance) hasn't had much experience with women, this may be hard to believe or even seem like it couldn't possibly be true, but, if you actually hooked up with this chick it is literally guaranteed that you'd get bored of and disillusioned with her, in a few months, TOPS...
The grass is always greener, my friend. Her "perfection" in your eyes is only a mirage of your low self-esteem.
I'm not trying to be harsh or mean or anything, dude, just honest. I felt compelled to post because I used to be a lot like you. I had a sheltered upbringing which left me throughout my adolescence and early adulthood with absolutely zero social skills with women, a major fear of rejection, self-worth issues, etc... The me of even just a few years ago would have completely empathized with your posts! I'd obsess over these nobody chicks, convince myself they were amazing one-of-a-kind perfect snowflakes that I'd be so honored and lucky to enjoy the company of, and worse of all, genuinely thought that being sweet/nice/caring/complimentary enough would eventually win over her affections.
In reality, nothing will push her further away from you than the above (friend zoned).
Forget about this stupid bitch; she doesn't care about you, and there's absolutely nothing special about her. You are a better and more interesting person than she ever will be.
The secret to happiness and fulfillment is realizing that nobody else can ever possibly give you greater happiness or fulfillment than you can give yourself.
The keys to self-actualization and completeness are already within you.
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Basically has said it all. You cant think shes perfect as she prob isnt its a numbers game for men unfortunatly. Our of 10..8/9 might turn you down but then 1/2 wont.